no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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