If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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