I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
