So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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