Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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