You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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