margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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