I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize