Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My room smells like vodka and shame
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize