put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize