dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
