yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
