I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
