Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
