I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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