kristin has been a bad kristin
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.