you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet