we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
