she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
