yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize