Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
