Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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