dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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