we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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