Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
