how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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