omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
