I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
