FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
