Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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