I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
