last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
