i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
