I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
