Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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