im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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