Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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