May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
