I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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