I wanna bring you to show and tell
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My ATM looks so different sober.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
