and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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