Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
