2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
