yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
