I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
