im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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