i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
