If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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