he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
