He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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