Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
