we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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