I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
