I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
