if we break up, who will get the dealer?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
