she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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