I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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