I want to have your abortion
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
