Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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