If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize