There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
