We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
